The lines are still open.

I shouldn’t really be admitting this to the world, but I’m not a fan of going to the doctors. I’m sure I’m not alone. I have to say though, it’s preferable to hearing other people’s theories on what symptoms you have amount to, or worse, self-diagnosis on the internet.

I remember, a few years back, biting into an apple as I was about to leave a festival and seeing blood. ‘Hmm..,’ I remarked to the rest of the car, but thinking nothing more of it as we drove along the bumpy dirt track to the exit. Then one of the lads I was with told me that it might be related to a life-threatening disease, without blinking or any apparent humour. I laughed. "Cheers mate, that's just great," I said, but inside I was terrified. What if he was right? I was unable to concentrate for the rest of the long journey home from Somerset.

A couple of days later, I plucked up the courage to google it, but came up with the same, terrible conclusion.

I spent several weeks worrying about this, literally with sleepless nights, before attending a routine check-up at the dentist. I was told that it could be avoided by simply flossing more. I nearly cried with relief; it turns out I was worrying about nothing. Over the intervening years, every time I had some kind of physical complaint, I went straight to doctor. That didn't stop my friends, colleagues or other offering up some kind of wayward explanation that had nothing to do with what the doctor actually said. I’ve never understood why people do this; it's amazing what opinions some people can offer about things they know literally nothing about. I can only assume that it’s either to try to sound clever, to emphasise with you, or to prove that their own considerable life experience will render making an appointment with someone who has studied for 10 years to qualify as a GP, unnecessary, to avoid wasting their valuable time. I think we’re all guilty of trying to make sense of the world by relating events or signals to events in our own lives, by putting things into easy-to-categorise boxes so as not to have to bother learning new things or to have our ideals challenged, but surely if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, it's worth keeping quiet?

For the same reason, I won't be talking about the upcoming general election with anyone. It seems a lot of people have strong opinions on that, too.

I want to avoid taking an apathetic stance about it, because if I do, I’ll lose the justification to complain when whoever gets into government stuffs something up, but it’s a tough call. This isn’t a problem that can be solved by visiting the doctor and getting a solution either way, this is something that there really is no right answer to and I can't help but still be sitting on the fence, like Humpty Dumpty, looking all confused.

I don’t know if I can be arsed to do the requisite research into what both parties stand for and what promises are being made in order to get into power, because there’s a lot of bullshit to wade through, there really is.

The lines are still open.