Mock the Week.

Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 12:05pm

Here’s what’s happened in the last week.

1) All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey.The leaves changed from green to red to yellow and soon they’ll all miraculously find their way onto my front lawn. I was in Reading yesterday and the Christmas decorations are all up. The stores are playing Christmas songs and all the gift packs are out in force. The greatest hits albums are creeping into the new release CD racks and my lips are chapped. What happened to the Indian Summer we were all being promised? It’s still Autumn, only just November, but the world suddenly got brr-brr cold and nights have drawn in. That happened quickly, didn’t it?

2) Daniel is still in the running on the X Factor. I’m enjoying this year’s series. I think the talent on the show is worth watching, and it’s been one of the best series I’ve seen. Never mind that I haven’t watched the show for ages as I’ve been sulking because I didn’t get an audition. For two whole years.

However, the last couple of weeks, I’ve been sitting there wincing at some seriously bum notes from usually entertaining contestants and then find myself staring wide-eyed in disbelief when the judges virtually knee in front of them and undo their flies. I really think I need to get my ears tested, because I’m not hearing what they’re praising. Is there a flip-side affliction to being tone-deaf? Call me cynical, but it’s obvious that some talent isn’t the only thing that keeps people in - it’s marketability and votes. Imagine that loads of voters are backing one singer and then they have a duff week. You’re probably not going to vote that week. Now imagine you’re a judge and have inside track on how many votes each singer is getting each week, you’re going to want to affect people’s views and inclination to vote. “That was the best thing I’ve heard all evening Eoghan.”

3) Russell Brand is now the devil. It’s Friday night, not so long ago. The end credits from the Friday night with Jonathan Ross show are on, and I’ve had a couple of beers to toast the end of the week. I’m still licking my lips from the sweet and sour sauce that just keeps on giving back and I’m thinking that I enjoy these shows. They have the right balance of humour and current affairs, great guests and (usually) great music. If you asked me to name some of my favourite interviews on the show, I could probably wax lyrical down the pub about it without getting distracted for at least an hour. Come to think of it, I also trust his Film 20XX reviews and loved the Japanarama series he did about Japan. He also likes his games and mentioned Virtua Tennis once on a Friday night. That gives him god-like status and probably makes him one of the best things about the BBC. Now pretend I didn’t just say that. Pretend I’m not really bothered about the show, and I’m a grumpy sod, reading the paper in my suit one morning, hating the fact I’ve got to go to my job in the city on a Sunday. I drain the last bitter sips of my coffee, pick up my brand new Blackberry Storm and flick my £1000 watch up so it doesn’t dangle annoyingly around my wrist. Normally I do like it hanging there so all my colleagues can see just how much it cost, but today, it’s really getting in the way. I’m just pulling my silk scarf around my neck when I see a headline about Andrew Sachs, BBC, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand and I sit back down. I skim read the article and make a note about how I must complain about this outrage. I have a right, I pay my TV license fee and shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of abuse. It doesn’t matter that the incident occurred a week ago and I didn’t even hear the offending show. I want to be counted. Besides, I used to love Fawlty Towers.I’ll be honest, I prefer Ross’ TV stuff and don’t listen to Brand's radio show, so I didn’t hear the offending show about Andrew Sachs and his granddaughter. I, like everyone else, heard it second-hand from another source, news/radio/paper/internet (delete as appropriate). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like what they did, but did it really deserve so many headlines, and the public hanging these guys have got? I’m so bored of it now. What’s next? The US presidential elections? First black president? Now that’s a headline worth reading.